If you can't relate to this... Please tell me your secret! ;)
It's 3:53am. I have to pee.
"Ugh it's so cold though. And my kid is actually sleeping. I don't wanna get out of bed. Maybe I can hold it. Ugh who am I kidding I can never hold it."
I walk to the bathroom.
"Shit it's really cold in here. I wonder if he is warm enough. Oh yea I added that fleece blanket yesterday he's fine. Geez I really had to pee. I have to stop drinking so much water before bed. But if I don't I wake up so dehydrated. I have to stop eating salty shit before bed...that's the real problem."
I walk back toward bed.
"I gotta check on him. I'm sure he's fine. Just lay down. You gotta stop checking on him eventually. You're a loon"
I lay back down
"Ugh the one night I don't check on him though, god forbid. Ok relax...think of something relaxing. Ahh the beach. The waves...my feet in the cold sand. At night. Gray playing in the...shit I forgot to write the tuition check for his school. I'm never gonna remember to do that in the morning. Tuition tuition tuition. Don't forget!!! My memory sucks. I should start doing more brain activities..crosswords and shit. They give me such a headache though. Ok the beach. Gray playing with his feet in the water. Splashing, laughing. God he's getting so big. I wonder when I'm gonna be ready to have another one. Oh god what if I had twins. I keep hearing about all these twins! And since when is your chance of having twins higher after age 30? Do they just make this shit up? Ugh I can't believe I'm 30! I thought Id have 2 kids by now. But I don't want a baby...I like my sleep too much. Oh shit sleep. Go back to sleep! Ok try counting your breaths...that helps. 1-2-3-4, hold 1-2-3-4, out 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8. This can't work well...holding my breath stresses me out. Ok. 1-2-3- Oh fuck it...just go check on the kid.
